Monday, December 9, 2013

My Top 10 Video Game Ladies (REVISITED)

Yep, this is a franchise reboot of this post, because hey, why not? :3

10. Nekolyss (OpenArena)

You're probably thinking I'm crazy to put an over-the-top 'sexy' player model from the open-source re-imagining of Quake 3 that I've barely played, but I have several reasons to do so: first, I'm a male subject after all, I find her hot and I still love catgirls, no matter how exploitative all those My Little Felicia Digital Art Tributes get lately; second, I love FOSS and everything about it; third, I love Quake 3 and id Tech 3 engine overall; fourth, and most importantly, she was created as a satire of over-the-top 'sexy' characters made up with a sole purpose of cheap drool-inducing eye candy and nothing else. Don't believe me? The OpenArena developers have stated it themselves!

9. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider series)

When Toby Gard's infamous cup of coffee fell on the Core Design office floor, and Laura Cruz's (sic!) breast size accidentally got three times bigger than the developers originally wanted, the ultimate video game sex symbol was born - just as Tomb Raider the game set the tone and template for all the games in what we now call action adventure genre. To be honest, it wasn't the best of its kind, but who cares when the game's protagonist is hotter than any video game heroine was before?!

8. Taki (Soul Calibur series)

No video game characters list is complete without a ninja, and Taki always nails the 'sexy kunoichi' fetish for me. It was a real catfight to pick from - can't we forget Nina (Saboteur 2), Ayane (Dead Or Alive/Ninja Gaiden), the unnamed protagonist from The Ninjawarriors, and so on. But the kunai-sliced cake goes to Taki, for several reasons: her combos are easy enough to be mastered by a beginner (remember, I suck ass at fighting games), her costumes are always stylish, and of course she's lovable to look at as the blue moon on the star-filled night with the sakura petals flying across the sky. ^w^

7. Eve (Parasite Eve)

Call me a retard, but the supporting cast is the major reason I never played the Parasite Eve sequels. Aside from all quirks, the first PE is one of the iconic survival horror games to me, and the majority of its charm goes to the main villain. Melissa/Eve (eh, calling it a spoiler - now that's retarded) has it all - sex appeal, raunchy personality, gruesome The Thing-inspired mutation cycle, disturbing biography (counting the Parasite Eve book, to which the game is a sequel), and just the fact that she does horrible evil things onscreen, right from the goddamn opening cinematic. Speaking of 'God damn', to any Adam this Eve is certainly one hell of a forbidden fruit.

6. Konoko (Oni)

One of the most badass action adventure heroines out there, this cyber cop doesn't really show off cleavage or anything, but her character and personality are what Konoko-chan is all about. Essentially, she is a walking nuclear reactor, ready to go off every minute and explode into a rainy cloud of blood and limbs (there was gore in the beta version), always aiming for heads and breaking the necks. Bravo Bungie for indulging our perverted fantasies yet again!

5. Cryss (Unreal Tournament)

What, another network FPS player model? Seriously? What's different this time? Well, unlike OpenArena, I've played the Epic Games' definitive multiplayer classic to death, so this Goth hottie has such thing as the nostalgic value going for her. The player model/skin I'm always playing is Necris/Malakai, so in the single player team events, Cryss is a frequent partner. You know, it's always pleasing to see a badass dark warrior princess running around fighting by your side!

4. Claire Redfield (Resident Evil series)

Hands down my favorite Resident Evil lady, since the day the (arguably) best game in the franchise was released. Unlike Jill Valentine, she's not a pinup sex symbol, unlike Ada Wong she's not forced to be considered a sex symbol at all, and unlike half of the other female cast, she's not pointless. Oh, and she also starred in another game that makes the RE2 supremacy arguable, and I'm of course talking about Code Veronica. Well, on the negative side, we also have all the newer games to wipe their feet on her by giving her lame attempts at badassness and dressing her up in glasses and cleavage, but I still love the gentle, sympathetic, humble self-defending-never-attacking-first young biker girl who was just forced to become a zombie slayer at Umbrella's mercy.

3. Samus Aran (Metroid series)

The late Gunpei Yokoi and his gang at Nintendo R&D1 were certainly watching too much Alien, otherwise they'd follow their own game manual and make Samus a man. But luckily (and shockingly for all the gamers back in 1986), the Metroid development team was the first to show that the girls in video games would never remain reduced to damsels in distress anymore. With her amazing full body armor and arsenal of deadly weapons, Samus Aran is permanently memorized as the first REAL video game heroine, from the groundbreaking original, through the epic Super Metroid, to modern days.

2. Rayne (BloodRayne series)

The final cut of 'sexy vampire' fetish and my all-time favorite fanservice-ready video game heroine. Rayne is a redhead vampress wrapped in tight leather, carrying a military arsenal and big, I mean BIG blades to slice down the Nazis, and not to mention her fantastic curves. What's not to like? Terminal Reality knew they came up with an awesome character, by making her moan like a porn star while drinking the Nazi gore and deliver F-bombs almost as frequently as gunshots, slashes, bites and stabs. Bad girls go everywhere!

1. Feena (Ys I&II)

Lovable, caring, tender, supportive - a complete opposite of what a typical female video game character usually is. No cleavage (for the most part), no sex hotline voice, nothing that can qualify as 'hot' and 'sexy', like, at all. What won me over about her was her character, so kind and gentle that nobody else will top her charm. Encouraging Adol to go fight the evil forces, praying for him, helping him out, expressing her gratitude for everything - never did I see a personality person so fleshed out by the writers and more likable because of her inner beauty, not only the exterior (which still happens to be cute as well), although ironically she's onscreen during, like, 15% of the time in both games. But seriously gentlemen, she's one of the best love interests ever in video games, period.