Thursday, October 20, 2011

My Top 10 Video Game Ladies

10. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider series)

When that infamous cup of coffee fell to the ground, and the breast size was accidentally made 3 times bigger than the developers originally wanted, the video gaming world was never the same again. Tomb Raider set the tone and template for all the games in what we now call 'action-adventure genre'. To be honest, it wasn't the best of its kind, but who cares when the game's protagonist is hotter than was any video game chick before?!

9. Tanya Adams (C&C: Red Alert series)

A 'girls with guns' fetishist's wet dream. Personally I prefer the Tiberian subseries over RA, but even I admit - not having Tanya in the former is a fail. Actually, not having her in any game that doesn't have her is a fail, because not only she's scantily clad in military gear and prefers akimbo guns holding - she also blows up the buildings simply by entering them. Bam!

8. Miria AKA Alyssa (The Guardian Legend)

A lovechild of shmup legends that are IREM and Compile, The Guardian Legend is often heralded as the one and only game that not only mixed action-adventure with shooter, but got it really right. Everything in the game itself is very polished, making it an important entry in NES library, but for the ones popping it in their consoles nowadays - admit it, there are no other games with cyborg amazons in armored swimsuits blowing shit up all around and occasionally transforming into badass spaceships!

7. Jill Valentine (Resident Evil series)

Perhaps, one of the most popular RE characters, if not the one. Seriously, this chick sure knows how to handle the hordes of the undead. She survived the haunting mansion of RE1, the doomed city of RE3, and even the infamous QTE in RE5. Being a longtime fan of Resident Evil, I agree that Claire and Ada may be hotter or written better as the characters, but neither they nor the male cast (with the exception of Wesker, of course) will be as memorable as Ms. Valentine. Every girl in the world who likes wearing berets should be proud of this by now.

6. Guys, I really wanted to put some chick from any Castlevania here...

...but as it turned out, they're all bland as hell, so here's some T-without-A for ya, I dunno...

5. Taki (Soul Calibur series)

No video game girls list is complete without a Kunoichi, and you all know it. It was a real catfight to pick from - can't we forget Nina (Saboteur 2), Ayane (Dead Or Alive/Ninja Gaiden), the unnamed protagonist from The Ninjawarriors, and so on. But the kunai-sliced cake goes to Taki, for several reasons: her combos are easy enough to be mastered by a beginner (remember, I suck ass at fighting games), her costumes are always stylish, and of course she's hot as ~the blue moon on the star-filled night with the sakura petals flying across the sky~. ^___^

4. Samus Aran (Metroid series)

Gunpei Yokoi (RIP) and the gang were really watching too much Alien, otherwise they'd follow their own game manual and make Samus a man. But luckily (and shockingly for all the gamers back in 1986), the Metroid development team was the first to show that the girls in video games will never remain reduced to damsels in distress anymore. With her amazing full body armor and an arsenal of deadly weapons, Samus Aran is permanently memorized as the first REAL video game heroine, from the groundbreaking original, through the epic Super Metroid, to modern days.

3. Konoko (Oni)

One of the most badass action-adventure heroines, I must say. She doesn't really show off cleavage or something, but her character is what steals the show. Essentialy Konoko is a walking nuclear bomb, every minute ready to explode into a rainy cloud of blood and limbs (there was gore in the beta version), always aiming at heads and breaking the necks. Bravo Bungie for indulging our perverted fantasies yet again.

2. Rayne (BloodRayne series)

Redhead vampress wrapped in tight leather, carrying a military arsenal and big, I mean BIG blades to slice down the Nazis, and not to mention, hot as a kettle of fresh-squeezed gore. What's not to like?!

1. Feena (Ys I&II)

A complete opposite of what a typical female video game character usually is. No cleavage (...for the most part), no sex hotline voice, nothing that can qualify as 'hot' and 'sexy'. What steals the show is her character, so kind and gentle that nobody else can top her charm. Encouraging Adol to go fight the evil forces, praying for him, helping him out, expressing her gratitude for everything - never did I see a character so fleshed out by the writers and more likable because of her inner beauty, not only the exterior (which still happens to be cute as well), although ironically she's onscreen during, like, 15% of the time in both games. But seriously, gentlemen, she's one of the best love interests ever in video games, period.